Till Death Do Us Part
by England-sama
Summary: During the big fight of 4x21 things escalate and Sam  has to deal with the consequences.  First Spn fic to be uploaded online!


**Title: Till Death Do Us Part**

**Characters: Sam, mentions of Bobby and Dean**

**Rating: pg-13 to be safe**

**Summary: during the fight of 4x21 things escalate and Sam has to deal with the consequences**

**Spoilers: 4x21**

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><p>It should be raining. It should be a nothing short of a mini hurricane in this land locked state.<p>

But it isn't. It's bright and sunny, and everything about the weather is perfect.

It just makes his guilt shine through even more.

His brother should be here.

The graveyard is eerily quiet and its the first time in a very long while that he's been to one in the daylight. Cemeteries are usually only visited at night in the Winchester family. Never on nice perfect days like this.

But it's not perfect. Not really. No matter how brightly the sun shines, or how almost comfortingly the air tosses his hair with a slight breeze.

It's not perfect, and now nothing will ever be able to be called so again.

The tree tops sway in the gently wind as a lone figure stands over a lone grave.

He's not crying. Hasn't been able to cry yet. And doesn't know when he might be able to.

The guilt eats him up from the inside and yet he still hasn't shed a single tear.

His brother should be here.

But not here exactly. Because if Dean were here, he wouldn't be at this cemetery. Instead he'd be... on the road somewhere, with Metallica playing loudly through the speakers of the Impala, windows rolled down, as his brothers voice joins in with the chorus, slightly out of tune but neither brother caring. Much...

At least if Dean were still here Sam wouldn't care. If his brother wanted to sing than sing Sam would let him.

He just wants his brother back.

That's really all he wants.

But his brother is gone and it's all his fault.

Because he didn't listen. He should have. Because big brothers are always right. No matter how good a little brothers intentions might be.

A lone figure stands in the middle of the graveyard, in front of a headstone that reads: In Loving Memory of Dean Winchester.

Sam wants to cry. He wants to cry so badly that it hurts. But he doesn't deserve to cry.

He should have listened.

Dean had been right all along. About the demon blood. About Ruby. Right about every single damn thing. But Sam was too blinded to see it.

And look at what he's left with now.

A dead brother. An estranged father figure. A dead, backstabbing, ex-lover/mentor. Oh yeah and the Apocalypse...

Dean was right.

And he should be here to rub that fact into his face.

But he can't because he's dead. And he's not coming back this time.

He's dead. Sam killed him. His own brother.

The demon blood had always make his feel stronger. It did make his stronger. Strong enough that he was able to smash his brother through a wall.

Strong enough that when Sam's large hands wrapped themselves around Deans neck he was able to crush his own brothers trachea.

Demon blood make him powerful and separated from most human emotions. It amplified anger to the extent that when Sam felt Dean go lax in his grasp, felt his brother die, he didn't feel anything. No remorse, guilt or even vague sadness. Just anger and a sense of accomplishment.

He'd left his brother there. Walked right out of the room, and didn't look back.

It wasn't until after Ruby had revealed her entire scheme and he'd killed her and the effects of the demon blood wore off that he finally thought back to his brother.

He doesn't remember much after that.

He knows Lucifer made it out of his cage and that shortly after the demon blood wore off that he was suddenly on a plane.

He doesn't know how he got there and quite frankly doesn't care.

He doesn't care about much anymore.

He'd gone back to the room he'd left Dean in and had found him gone.

Turned out Bobby'd moved his body, and had been waiting for Sam to show up to give him a proper burial. Bobby never asked how Dean died, but Sam knows Bobby is aware of what happened that day.

Sam refused to watch his brother burn. It'd always seemed more fitting for Dean to have a proper burial rather than a Hunter's Burial. When Dean had first gone to hell Sam had refused because he'd been so sure that there was a way to bring Dean back.

But he can't bring Dean back. He couldn't than and he damn well wont now.

He deserves to live with this guilt. And Dean would remember. Remember that his own brother had betrayed him.

And Dean should never have to live knowing that.

Sam should never have let himself become such a monster.

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><p><strong>Something I typed up real quick. I've had this story idea for a while now but it sadly didn't come out like I had originally planned but I do like how it turned out<strong>


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